Tamora Pierce Dialogue
by jweb guru
Summary: A meeting between the important figures in Tamora Pierce's stories.


Tamora Pierce Dialogue  
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Or why nobody should ever bring every Tamora Pierce character who's even important in any way into one room.  
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iThe following scene appears when all of the characters in Tamora Pierce's books who are reasonably important get together to decide which one should be the next one to be in a book. Read on and discover their solution./i  
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Niklaren Goldseye: *with Numair onstage, holding a mike he thinks is invisible* Today we are deciding which of us is the most important. As you all know, iI/i am the most important one, but as some of you seem to have doubts...P  
Frostpine: You are ubistrongNOT/strong/i/b/u the most imporant one in any way. You're stuck up, and selfish, and very rude at this sort of moment.P  
Tris: Me! Me! Pick me! Me! Me! Pick...P  
Numair Salmalin: Trisana Chandler, that is rude. You shouldn't interrupt people like that.P  
Tris: *turns red and the winds beging to hurl themselves at numair* bTHEN WHY DID YOU INTERRUPT ME!?!?!?!?!P  
Numair: *Smugly* Because I am the best one, and am therefore allowed certain liberties that mere ichildren/i could not seek. As you all know *his voice takes on a lecturing tone* I am the most powerful mage here, iincluding/i Niklaren Goldseye, known as Niko.P  
Jonathan III of Tortal: Numair, you are merely the most powerful mage in iTortal/i, not the world. Anyway, you're not the best one around here. I am!P  
Briar: And what makes you think that, imoneybag/i.P  
Allana the Lioness of Barony Olau and Pirate's Swoop: That's the KING you're talking to! Show some respect or I'll teach it to you with this sword! *Pulls the blade out of her sheath - and discovers that it is made of cardboard.* All right, who took my weapon?P  
*Suddenly, a noise comes from the background, and a huge golden bear walks in, smelling like honey.*BR  
Winnie the Pooh: Hi there! I'm Winnie the Pooh, you're local travel guide! I found this bright and shining object in that big and scary one over there *points to Alanna.* See? *Produces Lightning.*P  
Alanna: Why... you... little... BEAR! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I SWEAR I WILL, IF IT TAKES... umm... *Stops shouting for a moment to reflect.* FIVE MINUTES! FIVE MINUTES OF LIFE: WASTED!"P  
George Cooper, Baron of Pirate's Swoop: Alanna, dear, since I know I'm the best one, you don't need to shout so much; we already know you're out of the running.P  
Alanna: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! MY OWN HUSBAND TURNS ON ME! A STRANGE BEAR ATTACKS! WHAT IS MY LIFE COMING TO?!?P  
*Suddenly, the lights go dim. A mystical voice emerges.*P  
Josh: Stop shouting. You'll wake Numair up. And for your information, your life will be coming to a toxic waste site if you keep arguing like that. I, as the narrator, bdemand/b that you do this.P  
Keladry of Mindelin: Hey! I have an idea.P  
Joren of Stone Mountain (A/N: He's dead, but so what?): Nobody wants to hear your ideas, Kel.  
Kel: iI/i do. Or, at least, I think I do... I think I think I do...P  
Lord Sir Raoul of Goldenlake, Head of Third Company: Well, by virtue of size, I declare myself the official best guy around here.P  
Numair (waking up): You know, I am bimuch/i/b taller and stuff than you are. And I'm a better mage.br  
Raoul: I'm iNOT/i a mage. * Alanna keeps shrieking in the background and trying to wrest the sword from Pooh's hand.* How the heck do you expect me to do MAGIC?P  
Sandrilene fa ????????: *Covering a yawn* This is boring. When do we get to go home, Lark? Everyone knows that I'M BETTER THAN YOU ALL - INCLUDING YOU, LARK.P  
Lark: That's quite unlike you, Sandry! What's making you say such awful things?  
Sandry (breaking the rehearsed tone): It's in the STUPID SCRIPT. Blame Josh, if you have to! *Alanna's scream can be heard halfway across the world.P  
Josh: Stick to your lines, people! Stop dawdling, get to work, and you, Pooh, I have some honey for you if you give me that sword.  
Pooh (licking his lips and thinking for about two seconds): Ok.BR  
*Pooh hands the sword to Josh, who hands it to Alanna, who sniffs once or twice and then glares at him. Josh vanishes before she can behead him. She turns around for an easier target. She's about to slaughter pooh when she realizes that he's raiding her honey supplies. He leaves quickly before she can do any more damage to her property.*P  
Harry Potter: Hi!P  
Josh: *Sounding bored* GET OUT OF THE SCRIPT, HARRY. YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!  
Harry: Ok, ok. I was just saying iHi/i. Is it suddenly illegal to say hi? I mean, what is the world coming to when people log on to a place and say hi and all of the sudden strange people with stupid faces are stalking them and commanding them to leave...  
Josh: *Screaming at the top of his lungs, which is a LOT, since his lungs stretch from the book to Kansas, Florida* BIUSTRONGBIGGET OUT!/BIG/STRONG/U/I/BP  
*Harry Potter vanishes into the mist, STILL talking about the unfairness of it all. What mist? Who knows? Who cares?*P  
Queen Thayet: I am the best queen among you all, so I'm better than you! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...P  
Jonathon: Now, Thayet, dear...P  
Tris: Let go of me!P  
Niko: You're ruining my hair!P  
*They argue back and forth senselessly for long hours, going from hair coler to sense of humor to personal relationship with Buffalo Bob. Finally, something happens.*P  
Smile Button Boy (:)-|= : I am the best one. The only reason you guys don't know it is because you didn't realize I was a Tamora Pierce character. I'm the one who killed Duke Roger, Joren of Stone Mountain, and any other idiot enemies you care to remember.P  
All: Yeah, right.P  
Smile Button Boy (:)-|= : Nuh-uh. I am... *Throws of his disguise* THE GOD OF DEATH!P  
All: Oh, hail, great god of death.P  
Death: Therefore, since I icould/i have decided not to kill Roger, but didn't, I am responsible for every death! So I am the best one. *Heads nod everywhere.* Now that that is settled to everyone's satisfaction, I will take a nap. *Death resumes his disguise and vanishes.  
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Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns every character in here except me (Josh) and the Smiley Button Boy (:)-|=. She does, however, own Death. If you are dissatisfied with your product, please bring it home and smash it on your head - you might get something useful. 


End file.
